“Humans have a deep-seated need to feel heard, understood and accepted,” says Stephen Daltrey, coach, counsellor, wealth psychologist and author. “If you’re wealthy, you’re in a 1 per cent minority. You’re different to the other 99 per cent, which can lead to feelings of disconnection. That sense of isolation can also feel very distressing.”

A lack of purpose, according to Daltrey, can also lead to further negative feelings. “People need to understand who they are, particularly in relation to wealth, to understand their authentic self and therefore feel worthwhile,” he says. “Because if you don't understand who you are, how can you make choices? If you don't understand your values, your passions, your purpose, how are you going to live a life that's got meaning?” 

Daltrey highlights wealth coaching as a space for introspection and for exploration to help people address their inner questions. HSBC Private Bank takes a human and holistic approach to wealth planning that can support in alleviating these concerns, using experience and understanding to support individuals in managing and structuring their wealth – and their relationship with it.

How wealth impacts identity and relationships

Jennifer Risher is an author, speaker, philanthropist, and investor who, along with her husband, became unexpectedly wealthy owing to early Microsoft stock options. In her recently published book, 'We Need to Talk: A Memoir About Wealth', she talks about what it was like for her and her family when they unexpectedly became multi-millionaires. “I’d grown up with middle-class values, saving my pennies. A sudden fortune was a shock,” she says. “Yes, it was amazing. But it was surprising as well. I discovered that something most people consider to be nothing but positive was emotionally complex.” 

Risher also has first-hand experience of how wealth impacts identity and relationships. When she became wealthy, she felt that her identity was at stake. She was worried about being judged and struggled to talk about the new problems wealth had brought her and her family, as well as the resentment she felt from some friends. 

Daltrey interviewed Risher for a forthcoming book: “Jennifer told me that she hid her wealth from people and also felt ashamed of it. She didn’t want people to reject her because of her financial status.” 

The need for meaningful connections with other humans 

Human beings fundamentally need meaningful connections with other humans – research tells us it decreases health risks and improves physical well-being and longevity.

Daltrey stresses that everyone would benefit from talking more about wealth – and the problems that can come with it. “No one does so,” he says. 

“But we all need to understand that we’re human beings – not robots. We have emotions, feelings and responses – especially around money. And the more we all appreciate this, the easier it’ll be to live a balanced life.”

At HSBC Private Bank, we understand the complexities that wealth can bring.